Schuyler. the girl anachronism. (fearlessme) wrote,
Schuyler. the girl anachronism.
fearlessme

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I blame myself

the act of growing up
becomes the art of giving up, cleaning up
settling into the routine of figuring it all out
and all the "what if"s, become the "without a doubt"s
so then life turns into a game to the people
who think everyone else is playing games with them
and we all race to the finish line in false pretenses
to prove to the world that "this is who I am."
and the preparation the world has provided
leaves us with sincere disappointment and failed senses
every dream we had about what we wanted to be
the important role of business man, the artist, and the bourgeoisie,
the teacher, the lawyer, the rich and prominent doctor,
the mother, the father, the sons and the daughters,
the writer, the loser, desk jobs and self help counselors,
who we are and what we are have become completely seperate things
so that the act of growing up, is all the world brings.

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I want to believe that I can fix myself
that nothing truly bad
has snapped in head
the mistake in my biological make up,
can automatically contain itself.
I am defined by the medication I take each day
I am the mis-fired synapse of my brain
I am metaphorical today.
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